Well, I didn't take any pictures today, but I took in a ton of natural beauty. Sorry, you'll just have to take my word for it. And I don't think I'll even have a thousand of them to describe it. We woke before the sun came up, because that's when the kids started chirping. And we enjoyed a lazy morning of Mary Poppins and Legos and dolls and cereal and yogurt. Then, we drove to Signal Mountain, about 45 min NW, for brunch with my step sister and her family. We got to hike for about an hour through the woods - my phone said it was 80 degrees - by a gorgeously full, rushing river at times and through thick, sticky mud at others. We left the younger child with grandparents and took the almost 7 year old, who did amazingly well for a first serious trek (about 75 min and 5 miles, up and down and through thick brush at times) That counted as my workout for the day and I got to catch up with my step sister along the way, which was super.
We also discovered an amazing restaurant for dinner that was just down the road from our house. It was such a treat to go out and have amazing food and the kids were remarkably well-behaved, all things considered. There were two bummers today: one was feeling queazy every time I was in the car because I was probably riding in a car for close to 2 hours all together today. Those mountain switchbacks often get to me unless I'm the one driving. The other was finding out that my brother's back pain flaring up recently means that we won't get to see him and his family on this trip. I really hope he recovers soon.
Today, I did an okay job of letting go of the sugar again. Not perfect, but significantly better. Just a few bites of chocolate over the course of the day. Otherwise, I made tea or had an apple to divert my cravings.
My meditation today was a guided meditation that focuses on abundance and on inviting more abundance into your life. This was the second time I tried this, and I found that I zoned out (or fell asleep) right around the same place. I've been struggling with visioning more abundance for myself because I feel so incredibly, abundantly blessed already. While the abundance hasn't come to me in the ways that I had hoped or thought it would, it has come to me all the same. And so, all I can think of is gratitude for what I already have: an great home in a nice neighborhood with a good school and kind neighbors. A caring and supportive husband and two healthy kids. We all have our needs met and hoping for more seems excessive. The only way I can try to envision more for myself is in imagining being able to give more to others and to have a greater impact in the world.
I've known that I want to help people since I was very little. At first I wanted to be a nurse. Then I was advised against it... by a real nurse. I've since learned that are so many ways to help people - through story telling or through healing or through listening. A couple of weeks ago, I hear Elizabeth Gilbert say in an interview that people don't want to be helped. That I should focus instead on doing what makes me happy. On creating what makes me happy. Well, helping people makes me happy. Does that make me annoying, or a person to be tolerated? Does that mean that I'm out of touch with what really makes me happy? I don't know. But I do know that when I was sick recently, I allowed others to help me. I needed it. And I accepted the help gladly. And those that helped me were able to feel good about helping. Historically, I'm not someone who asks for help very easily. But in recent years I've learned that accepting help, and making room to receive help from others, benefits both me and the person giving. That lots of people enjoy giving. And the only time that giving seems out of place is when there is no one willing to receive. In that way, to receive graciously becomes the gift. And, as I've become better at receiving help, I've also become better at knowing when and how to give it.
thank you for reading.
goodnight. ~k
No comments:
Post a Comment