Today was a huge clean up and clean out day. I got rid of 6 bags of clothes and miscellaneous stuff, that I had been contributing to for a few weeks now, to be fair. But I finally finished sorting and got them out of the house. And the house does feel lighter. So, I took another step toward letting go of some clutter.
I've also been thinking that I'll need to construct some sort of grid or table to keep track of all the things I'm setting out to do in these 30 days so I don't forget them all. And still, I just might run out of things to write about, in which case, I apologize now for any trivial chatter I might resort to to fill a post.
OK. I'm going to get down to it.
Letting Go: I'm feeling really stuck on this one tonight. I've been sitting here working on one idea, but it just doesn't feel right, so I just deleted it all. And now you'll never know what it was, ha, ha! I guess my threat from earlier is coming to pass. I've already jumped ahead and written my Gratitude. That one's easy. I'll do my "Shooting For," and then come back... OK. Love horses. I'm back. Letting Go... Is it possible to let go of shyness? I've been shy my whole life, although I've practiced certain situations where I can be less so. But I am aware that when I'm feeling shy, and I have certain triggers around it, I think it can come across as though I'm cold or uninterested in people. Having one shy child and one outgoing one, I get to face this from a whole new perspective. Even as I 'get' the emotions that trigger shyness, I know it's incredibly important to learn how to greet people when they enter a room or when you see someone you know in an unlikely place. I want to help my shy child to feel more confident navigating these social settings. And as I've come a long way, I still sometimes slip back into that pattern. So, whether or not it's actually possible, I want to let go of my tendency to shy away from harmless social interaction. I don't have to be loud, but I don't have to hide either.
Gratitude: Today, I am grateful for driving at night. I drove to pick up my friend from the airport and it was late enough that the traffic didn't suck. I've always loved how my city looks at night when I'm driving through it. Even the area leading up to the airport looked pretty with all the holiday lights up. I especially love driving downtown at night, which I got to do a couple of nights ago. Seeing that skyline lit up is often enough to make me forgive the arctic tundras that sometimes befall us here.
Shooting for: In my 40s I will ride a horse again. Don't get me wrong, I was never trained to ride horses in any formal way, although my family did have a couple of horses when I was very young, living on a small farm. I rode on them only occasionally and we no longer had them by the time I was old enough to ride on my own. And in my 20s, I rode a horse on the beach in Wales which was lovely, but a bit more reserved than I would have wanted. And I had to wear a really ugly helmet. I think it would be nice to ride a horse again, casually on a trail through the woods, or run through a field. Maybe I'll even get to do it more than once in the next 10 years.
Can't believe I finished this post! Goodnight. ~k
I stumbled on your blog today and really enjoyed this post, like your insight very much. This time every year, with the new year approaching, I reflect on my accomplishments from the year and think about goals for the future.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, Olia. Having a birthday close to the new year, it's always been a significant time for reflection for me, too.
DeleteOh that must be so tricky and an extra treat for the holidays! Though I've heard someone say, whose birthday is on new year's day, that they were disappointed as a child because it meant they receives less presents. I like the way you structured your blog to document your journey, your gratitudes are inspirational to read. I feel I have reached a level of awareness and self acceptance to feel at peace and find happiness in my life, but often feel lost as to what's to come next. It is kind of comforting to read that this doesn't necessarily change as we grow older and that you too have days when you doubt everything. I hope to become more confident and push myself to do more in the next year, to step more outside of my comforts.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete