DAY 24

I somehow stumbled across a video posted by Anonymous today in which they warn Donald Trump that they are "coming for him." This was the first video of theirs that I had ever seen, although I've been hearing small bits and pieces about them in the news. I was immediately drawn in, and with the magic of the YouTube auto feed, one video viewing lead to several more. The use of the Guy Fawkes mask and the voice disguiser, combined with a lot of their messaging is creepy, other-worldly and I'm sure, that's it's intended affect. Of course, there's the credibility question first. Is this one guy in his mom's basement having a laugh, or is it this highly organized group of international hackers and revolutionaries, fighting the good fight? When I was only hearing about them in the abstract, I felt myself cheering. It is perfect that they targeted the KKK, ISIS, Fox "News" and Donald Trump! Those would certainly be my top picks, too. But, when I watched the actual videos, I noticed I had new feelings about what they are doing.

There's this almost romanticized sense of Justice in me that wants these bad guys to get what's coming to them and, certainly, for them to be stopped from their crimes of hate and fear mongering. But as I continued to listen to the Anonymous messaging, about how the "End is Near," basically, I felt the fear they were directing at the bad guys, as though it was also directed at me.

It suddenly struck me: How is anonymous any better than those they are targeting, if they are playing the same games of fear mongering, retribution and revenge. They say, "We do not forgive. We do not forget." And, as I take a step back from my own lust for Justice, I hear the voices of my spiritual heroes, Pema Chodron, Thich Nat Hahn, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Jesus, that remind me that we will never stop the cycle of violence with retaliation. We don't dissolve fear of one thing with fear of a different thing. We don't bring back our murdered loved ones with more murders. We don't end wars with more war. Only love can dissolve fear.

I know this in my heart even though my mind and my ego struggle terribly with this. I struggle with this because I've always felt called to stand up to injustice, to fight the forces that harm innocent lives. I really don't have an answer. When is it time to forgive and when is it time to fight back? So often, these difficult esoteric questions seem to have dichotomous answers. Is it possible to forgive and fight back at the same time? As I consider it now, I think of parenting. When our children push their boundaries, deliberately, we can forgive them even before we present the consequences for their actions in order to stop the behavior. And even if we must escalate those consequences, when we are connected to our love for them, they are always, already forgiven. But loving them and forgiving them doesn't mean that we allow them to disrespect themselves or others. Loving them means teaching and modeling ways of living and behaving that are better for everyone. Perhaps it's a ludicrous stretch to compare our sweet little angels to terrorists and greedy corporate CEOs and corrupt politicians. But every single one of "those bad guys" was someone's little angel once.
(little too cheesy for ya? So what! This country LOVES its cheese!)

Ultimately, I think that the approach of Anonymous to focus on cyber attacks and exposing harmful secrets is a great tactic and I hope that they keep doing it. But I do forgive, even though I don't forget. And history tells me that fear has never set anyone free... it has been their love and courage in the face of that fear.

Letting Go: I want to continue to let go of my need for justice as I seek to understand and love instead. I fully expect for this to be a life-long practice, that I may never fully embody. There have been a few great examples in this world of people who have, but far too few. Perhaps if more of us truly strived to emulate the behaviors of the spiritually enlightened, even and especially when it may seem crazy or ill-advised to do so, our world would shift in some remarkable ways.

Gratitude: I am very grateful for each and every one of the spiritual leaders who have lit a path for me towards those ultimate truths that liberate us from fear and tyranny. I am thankful that these teachings found me, many of them before I had children, so that I could pass these on to them from the beginning. I see this as the very best investment in the future that I could make.

Shooting For: In my 40s, I see myself giving talks, though I'm not sure exactly which topics will be my focus. I feel the need to share my voice in the global conversations on how we keep building towards better tomorrows... through our health and wellness, through our practice of peace and kindness, through our care for our precious resources and each other. And I really think I needed my prior 40 years experience of living to be ready to do this. So, good timing all around!

OK. It's super late and I'm super tired. Not even sure if this post will make any sense in the morning. Goodnight. ~k

"If you think that we have to go on fighting and dying, you are wrong." - Thich Nhat Hanh identifying the connection between environmental destruction, war, and human rights, at the first UN Environment Summit, in Stockholm, 1972.