DAY 25

Today was in large part a return to my core values. I thought a lot about some activism projects that I've been wanting to do for a while. And I can now start to see how I can get them going. I took a few extra minutes this morning to read to my 3 year old before taking her to daycare. I actually felt strong during my workout at the gym, which I hadn't really been feeling lately. I made great food for myself and the family and took a nice, long shower, which I rarely get to do. I was very productive, but I didn't feel like I was rushing. And one great highlight was taking one of my favorite meditation classes downtown. One reason that I love it so much is that it's never the same. Tonight was "Mash-Up" meditation, using a few different modalities to activate higher levels of consciousness and brain-states. I really geek out on this stuff, and we got to use essential oils to help. I learned that Lavender oil can help to slow down the alpha waves, which can help to quiet down the monkey mind chatter when you're trying to meditate. And during the meditation, and the focus of the class in general, was on bringing a dream we have into reality in the next year. And that reconnected me to the goal of my next book. I ended my day by watching episode 9 of Man in the High Castle with my husband and thoroughly savoring this masterful example of the craft of story telling. I've felt that watching this series is making me a better story teller. And that reading this book would make me a much better writer. It's on my list.

And so, I've reconnected with my core values, which make me who I am at age 39 in this world.

• Fighting for Social Justice
• Being Really Present with my Family
• Taking good care of myself
• Being purposeful with my time
• Exploring the mysteries that live in the space between science and spirituality
• Writing and telling stories

And today, 25 days from my 40th birthday, here are my 3 things.

Letting Go: Mom Guilt. I noticed tonight that I was almost late for this class that I really wanted to go to, because I was trying so hard to make dinner for my kids before I left. As I left, I noticed that I have this impulse to try and compensate for the fact that I'm leaving my family to do something that is completely for me. While I don't think I'm at all crippled by Mom Guilt, I just notice these little twinges from time to time. Before today, I thought I had a pretty good balance of taking care of my family and taking care of me, with just a little bit of mom guilt sprinkled in for good measure. But today, I'm wondering why I need to have ANY mom guilt at all. It's a waste of good energy. It's pointless and completely unhelpful to anyone.  A happy and fulfilled mom is the center piece to a happy and fulfilled family. The truth is, I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Even a twinge. So, goodbye, Mom Guilt. May you enjoy your last 24 days in my life, because once I'm 40, I'll have none of you.

Gratitude: I'm so thankful for my husband who is such a wonderful dad. I came home tonight to find him laying in the middle of the bed with a kid on each side of him as he was reading their bedtime story. It was one of those moments that you want to remember forever but it would be ruined by whipping out a phone to take a picture of it, so you take a picture in your mind. I am especially grateful that my kids have a second parent who is present in their lives and who is different from me. And this isn't any kind of Mom Guilt, but recognizing the benefit of two (or more) perspectives in guiding children through the complexity of growing up.

Shooting For: I'll warn you that this one is almost completely materialistic: In my 40s, I want to own an electric car. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I do want to let go of being so dependent on my car by using public transit and a bike more, and that still stands. But since I still love to take road trips and still need to go grocery shopping for a family of 4 plus 2 pets, I LOVE the idea of having a fully electric, gas-and-oil-free automobile. A Tesla, to be specific. While I've never really wanted to spend my money on a luxury car, the Tesla does everything that I think ALL cars should do, and would do, if our oil industry lobby wasn't so hostile to this technological development. So, while it's a luxury car, I also see it as an important way to vote with my dollars. I just gotta find a way to earn and save about $80,000 over the next ten years. And that's where my book sales will come in. Or a winning lottery ticket. Anything is possible. 

Goodnight ~k

p.s. it's very encouraging to know that at least a few people are reading these. Thanks for reading <3