DAY 22

After reading yesterday's post, I just need to clarify two things:

1) I am fully cognizant that it is the most difficult thing to do in the entirety of our existence to grant unconditional forgiveness and love to every person, no matter what they do. Just today, I was reading a horrible story about rape and I remembered what I had written. "But that can't apply to rapists," I thought. "But it has to apply to everything," I hear myself reasoning.

Even though I know that granting true forgiveness and love in such a situation would allow me to experience the greatest goodness of being human, I don't know if I would be able to escape the rage in my heart. I have forgiven so many things in my lifetime. I found that once I began practicing forgiveness intentionally, I made the connection to how much better I felt once I had released the burden of anger or resentment. And this made it easier and easier to forgive. But I've never had to forgive something like this.  To know what action is the higher path is one thing. To be able to follow it, is quite another.

2) Creating a structure or a system that works to correct hurtful behavior in our society, like, maybe a "corrections facility" that actually strives to "correct" bad behavior rather than punish, release, repeat the same cycle. To correct behavior by not only modeling better behavior, but also providing the encouragement and the means to begin to behave better. Sometimes people have no choice but to steal to eat. Why are these people treated worse than those who steal when they already have millions or trillions to themselves? Much like the way we work to correct bad behavior in children, we create consequences for bad behavior. But when these consequences are presented in a spirit of forgiveness and love - I know this might sound insane - perhaps this would actually allow more people to change and grow and become caring members of a community rather than repeat offenders. I say this to clarify that forgiveness and love do not cancel the need for accountability and reparations on the part of attackers. And the question is, how do we do this? I can't say that I have a good answer, just wild ideas.

OK. Moving on! I make no claims of anything, including coherence on the preceding rant. It was just what happened to be on my mind tonight when I sat down to write.

Letting Go: I want to let go of my tendency to put my own feelings on hold when I am afraid I might hurt or inconvenience someone else. This tendency has been lessening over the years, but there's a balance of graciousness and knowing my own worth that I want to start to live in my daily life, moment by moment. I think that in order to do this, letting go of my habit of hiding my needs and wants is a big step. I love the words, "letting go" especially because it describes the feeling when no more effort is needed to move forward, but rather a relaxing of our grip so that gravity or momentum can take away that which we no longer need.

Gratitude: Today I am grateful for my parents. They aren't perfect, but they are perfect for me. And that's all that matters. The ways that they are the same are my strengths. The ways in which they are different from each other give me broader perspective and awareness and compassion.

Shooting for: In my 40s, I am shooting for more house plants!! I'm not joking. As I was entering my 30s, I was still living under the shadow of the fact that I was a serial plant-killer. It was bad. I even managed to kill those plants that are impossible to kill. I used to joke that I had Black Thumbs, and I have big thumbs. So that must have sent most plants shrinking in their baskets anytime I had the foolish desire to try again. But, over the last decade, I've managed to keep just over a handful of plants alive and growing for more than a few years. I've always loved being in spaces with plants and I'm ready to expand my indoor holdings. And I'm wanting to work towards an indoor garden for the Winter and early Spring months, so I'll be adding some edible plants in the mix as well. I remember my mom making the rounds on watering days at my house growing up. It was a big job, but our home was filled with green. I want to feel the energy and breathe the air that more plants will share with me and my family. If you have any favorite house plants or indoor edible plants, please feel free to post some suggestions in the comments.

thanks for reading. goodnight. ~k