DAY 15

HALF WAY! So what am I really learning here? That's it's crazy busy and difficult to get much done during the holidays? Already knew that. That the weeks leading up to my birthday feel like a bum's rush from about December 15th until the morning of my day? Somehow I manage to block it every year, but I already knew this, too.

The energy around the holidays often makes me glaze over or go a little cuckoo, like the toddler that's been overstimulated from staying too long at a loud party. And it's like that for 2 or 3 weeks until I wake up on my birthday. And I know I'm not the only one. And then I feel bad for those in my life who feel guilty for forgetting my birthday because it's really not their fault my birthday falls during the hazy days. Actually, I wonder what my first child's experience will continue to be having a birthday on Jan 2nd. In some ways, it seems slightly better to be closer on the heels of the party season, so you can still catch the tail wind of the celebratory spirit. By the fifth, everyone is pretty well tapped out.

Of course, I say all this with a wink and a smile because, as I've mentioned, I have some pretty awesome friends and family who do manage to rally and help me celebrate when I put out the call. And this year will be no exception. I have some fantastic events and gatherings planned over the next month. A week in Lookout Mountain/ Chattanooga where I'll get to see all of my immediate family and in-laws and also go hang-gliding for the first time! A girls weekend in Estes Park, CO!  A week in Mexico with husband and six friends! There have been many times when I just feel like I'm being too indulgent and making too big of a deal about my birthday. But using my 40th as an excuse to spend more time with these awesome people, go to these beautiful places, and experience some pretty big dreams... I guess I really don't have a problem with that.

Letting Go: In my 40s, I will let go of chocolate.                          
I'm just kidding. Not. Ever. Letting Go of Chocolate. Unless I'm dropping it into a recipe or a cup of coffee. I will never, ever, newver, nerver give up Chocolate. No way. No how. Sorry. No can do. I have taken "breaks" from Chocolate, but to imagine a world without chocolate is... like what so many people in this world live every day.
I heard a really inspiring couple this weekend talking about how they fill bags with snacks and juice boxes and socks, and keep them in the car to hand out to the homeless anytime they encounter someone asking for money. What if I kept a box of chocolates to give to the homeless. Is that weird or would it be awesome? I always think about giving the poor and homeless truly healthy and nourishing food, but what if I thought of giving foods that are among the most pleasurable to eat? Decadent. Like steak. Or lobster. Or creme brulee. Or... Chocolate.
So.  I'm not going to "let go" of chocolate, as in give it up and never eat it again. But maybe I'll start "letting go" of some of my chocolate stash and sharing it with those who just might be experiencing it for the first time.

Gratitude: Tonight I am grateful for Bill Murray and his Christmas special on Netflix. What a big heap of Christmas lovin' that was. I wasn't exactly sure what I was watching for the first 10 minutes. I hadn't read any of the hype surrounding this and was watching with no expectations other than what I might imagine a Bill Murray Christmas Special would be. But whatever I might have imagined, this was not it. It was so much better than anything I could have imagined. I thank the Gods that I got to see that show tonight.

Shooting For: There was a lot of singing in the Bill Murray Christmas show, and not all of it was stellar, but every note that was sung was filled with heart. It made me want to be less shy in sharing my own voice. I love to sing, but I am not, and never have been, a strong singer. Watching this tonight made me think, Anybody should be allowed to sing if they want to... Just as long as they're already famous. So, once I'm famous, sometime in my 40s, I'm gonna sing something in public. Until then, I may sing in front of a few more friends than I did in my 30s.

goodnight. ~k