Oh, irony. So, back in Day 23 or so, I announced that I was going to finally let go of my health coaching practice in order to make room for my writing and activism interests. The reality was that I hadn't had a coaching client in at least a year and I had stopped marketing my business well before that. So, me saying that I was officially letting it go was really me just owning up to what my actions have been saying for quite some time. Imagine my surprise when, four days later, I receive an email from a former client with a referral introduction. And this client was among my most successful at reaching her health goals, and she was referring someone who has wanted to connect with me for about a year. Faced with this, it wasn't so much that I didn't know how to say No, as that I couldn't think of why I should say No.
So, here I am, a retired health coach of 11 days with a brand new coaching client! Life is pretty funny, isn't it? What exactly did I want to let go of? The struggle to find new clients? The awkwardness of promoting myself or selling my services? The coaching part, I've always really loved. I had considered becoming a coach for another company, but I didn't think I'd enjoy having to follow someone else's rules after I've developed my own style of coaching.
I was recently invited to participate in a project that was exploring, among other things, the difference between an entrepreneur and a freelancer. This really struck a chord with me. When reading interviews with people on their perceptions of these two titles, I started to think about which I could more identify with. It wasn't really something I had thought about before. If being an entrepreneur is about building something, a product or service or company, that may take on a life of it's own, and possibly build a team of players, whether employees or other contractors, then a freelancer is more like an artisan or expert for hire. If an entrepreneur is building a monument or a skyscraper, then a freelancer is putting up tents as she travels from place to place. And when I consider the two identities, there is no hesitation in my heart when I choose freelancer over entrepreneur. Everytime.
In some of my coach training over the years, I had come to believe that I needed to be more like an entrepreneur in order to be a successful coach; and as much as I got it intellectually, I just never felt it. And the more I began to work as a writer, the freer I felt. When I did this project, I figured that a big reason I was drawn to writing over coaching, was because I was more of a freelancer than an entrepreneur. But, as I took on a new coaching client today, I still felt free. In fact, I felt more confident today as a coach than I have in a long time. Maybe being a freelance whatever I am means that I can write, coach, advocate or create in any way that suits the task at hand. Even as I write that sentence and imagine it as reality, it seems almost too dreamy. The other half of my brain jumps in and says, Yes, but how do you market that? What do you even call that? You can't put that on a business card. Or even a website. It sounds more like an SNL sketch of the next WooWoo Guru! Yes, I hear that voice, too.
And so I sit here, in my lovely land of in-betweens and opposites, wishing and washing, flipping and flopping, and trying to ride them as if they were all parts of the same horse. Perhaps it all is just one horse. And one very wild ride.
Letting Go: this one seems pretty natural tonight... I am reminding myself to let go of the need to know. I love to plan, and I'll keep dreaming and making plans forever. But even as I shoot for the starts, I want to remember to let go of the outcomes and enjoy the ride.
Gratitude: I am grateful for laughter! I hear my husband goofing off with the kids right now and I am so filled up by the sound of their giggles and laughter. I'm thankful that I have so many friends that can make me laugh, for all the great writers and performers that share their gifts of humor with the world. It truly is the best medicine!
Shooting for: ... I'll come back to this one another day :-)
Thinking of: the song, "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine.
goodnight. ~k
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