DAY BONUS Day!

This is it... the final countdown. Not only is this my 31st day of blogging, but it's also my 99th day of my 100 Day Gong, meditating everyday for a minimum of 20, and write everyday for at least 20 minutes. I haven't missed a day, except for a rainy day on the trail when I didn't write. I also wasn't sure how long I meditated while on the trail because I had no watch and my phone was off the whole time. It felt like a weekend-long meditation, with lots and lots of walking meditation. Walking on broken paths rather than smooth sidewalks requires more attention to avoid slipping, falling or twisting an ankle, as I and my brother did. That attention to steps and the path, sensing our balance from moment to moment and adjusting, learning to use walking sticks the right way, all created anchors to keep me in the present moment, not reliving the past and not worrying about the future. To me, that is the heart of meditation.

During the first 70 days, I was writing in a journal most days and some days I was writing my novel also, other days instead of. Once I started the blog, though, I stopped with the written personal journal and I've been missing it. I've written in it maybe a handful of times in the last 30 days. I'd really like to write in it tonight.

This was a day when I threw myself into my work, just like I was wanting to and it felt really good. My mindset about stuff and clutter has really shifted since reading that book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I feel much less attachment to things and it's much easier for me to make decisions (and feel confident in them) on whether I choose to keep an item or not. It's so freeing. I did some major clearing out of stuff and organizing, took down the Christmas decorations and had the place cleaned from top to bottom. I had expected this to take at least 2 days, but I'm really glad that I jumped in full force and got it all done today. That is THE BEST gift I could have given myself for tomorrow!

I got some great ideas for how I would like to celebrate tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to my day. I also want to write a bit in my Gong journal, just to mark my 100th day.

can't believe this is goodbye. for now.

I've had many ideas for future blogs and I've really enjoyed sharing this journey with a few of you.

All of a sudden, my planned exit seems so unceremonious. But, it's late and I got nothin'.

Except, perhaps, a big reveal. I haven't wanted to use a current picture of myself or anyone in my life that I may mention in passing on my blog. I wanted to keep it somewhat non-specific, for a variety of reasons. But I don't know if I'd actually stay interested in a blog if I couldn't see what the writer looks like. I don't mind not knowing for a little while, but eventually, I gotta know.

My Big Reveal = a picture I snapped today + with my crappy computer cam + wearing #nomakeup + using #nofilter + a bit of product. (No idea why I'm wearing a serial killer face!) No time to retake. I guess I'll flex that bravery muscle and let everyone see my dark side. Just in case you hadn't already.

goodnight. ~k
**now y'all come back for whatever happens next. it'll be fun.

DAY WON!

I had the crazy idea of following this blog with a new one tracking my first 40 days of my 40s, but as I have a girls weekend coming up with my old roommates from college, I know that most of what I do on those days will not be publishable! Ha, ha. What happens in Colorado STAYS in Colorado - know what I'm sayin'?

Today was a lovely day from a birds eye view. It felt like much of the day my kids were bickering with each other or throwing tantrums of some sort. And the mountain of things I still need to unpack and put away from our trip and the holidays is overwhelming. But, if I step back from those details, I can appreciate getting to go to church with the kids and the fact that all three of us had a great experience being back there today. I can remember the kids giggling while playing in the snow, which we've had so little of this winter.  I can feel good that I worked against that overwhelm and really got a lot done today to get us back into our routine starting tomorrow. And so I can say, that overall, I WON today - because the silver linings are what I'll remember about today.

Always, always, always look for the silver lining. - today's mantra

Tomorrow is my bonus day, but I'm not sure how spectacular it will be. I've just got so much to do before my husband leaves town for work on Tuesday and I leave town on Thursday. Tomorrow, I plan on losing myself in work, but perhaps something unusual and special will come out of that work. It's been known to happen.

Today at church, was the White Stone Service. I had never done this before, but I really love this tradition that many Unity churches follow for the New Year. The link above provides a better explanation than I could. I love the simplicity of it. And I love that it's tangible; that I get to keep a reminder of this year's theme. I received one word loud and clear during the service and then upon further meditation this evening, got another. One for each side. And while the second one feels like unfinished business from 2015, the first one is a brand new frontier for me. I have no idea how this will play out in 2016 but I'm excited to find out along the way.

My 30s are now a dim and dying light hanging on to the last bit of wick in the candle. On Tuesday, I'll light a new candle. My 40s Candle.

Today, I'm grateful for my lovely spiritual community. It was just a few years ago that I put out an intention to find one that suited me, and this one does so quite well.

And now for precious sleep.
goodnight. ~k

DAY, TOO

The Last Picture I took before we drove away... about 8:15am... facing in the direction we were headed.

Barely slept last night but wanted to do something physical before sitting in the car for 9 hours, so I got up and did 3 rounds of the 7 minute workout before we hit the road for home. I'm glad I did it, but I'm exhausted now, at the end of the day.

Watching my oldest this evening when we got home, picking fights and sulking, I remembered that feeling of coming home after a big trip like the one we just had, and knowing that I'd be going back to school in a day or two, and just feeling sad. That sadness became palpable the moment I thought of it today. 

But coming home is different for me now. Even though I'm staring at a seemingly impossible To Do List this week, I'm coming home to a life that I really love. It's a life that I have gotten to build over the years along with everyone who is a part of it. But I haven't always felt this way. 

As much as I want my children to have happy childhoods, I cannot give them happiness all the time. No one can. The best I can do as a parent is to help them learn that they can shape and color their lives in any way they can imagine. To say yes to the things that matter and no thank you to the things that don't. To take on the responsibility and challenge of continuing to tweak the details of their lives until they have a life that they enjoy living. And to understand that everything will change, many times over, from bad to great and back again. And that a beautiful and powerful life isn't one without fear or tragedy or struggle or pain, but one in which you time and again, prove yourself to be greater, stronger and braver than you ever thought you could be.

And today was his birthday. Lucky number seven.

I am filled with gratitude for my first child today. I am letting go of my need to write a longer blog post tonight. I am shooting for sheer perfection this week.  Ha! Just kidding. I'm shooting to get 3 big important things done each of the next 4 days, and anything additional is bonus and therefore cause for celebration. My "Bonus Day" is falling on a Monday. Very interesting.

goodnight. ~k

DAY "FREE"

I woke up this morning and realized that today was our last day of vacation. And it felt... just. right.  I was able to look back on this week and feel like it was time well spent. We soaked up every adventure and every relaxed sigh at the view and every delicious meal and every moment with loved ones. I didn't feel like it flew by or that I missed anything I was hoping to experience. It was a great week.

Later, I wondered if the fact that I've kept up with my meditation had anything to do with that feeling. Often, I have let my meditation practice and my exercise practice lapse when on vacation. And while I backed off a bit on exercise, I haven't missed a day of meditation. I think that practice of slowing down my thoughts on a daily basis, has helped to fill out my experience of the week, so that it neither felt too short or too long, but just right. I'll get into the car for our drive home tomorrow with a satisfied mind and spirit.

Today was the first day of 2016 and it started with lots of bacon. And some eggs. And green tea. And then, we made our traditional black-eyed peas and collard greens, this time with risotto, because that's what I had on hand. It was all delicious. We also celebrated my oldest child's seventh birthday a day early. We were joined by more family and it was all the more merry.

When Monday rolls around, we'll all be hitting the ground hard and fast, with a fully scheduled week ahead. I want to remember to take things one at a time, and allow myself to complete one task before worrying about the next. This will serve me well in the coming months.

Letting Go: As my 30s are dwindling down like a candle that is about to burn out, I find myself less and less attached to my identity as a 30-something. I feel like I am in the process of letting go of my 30s. Certainly, keeping this log and practice of reflecting daily on what it means to be 30-something or 40-something has helped a great deal with this. But, it also feels like a very natural and gradual process.

Gratitude: Today I am so grateful for this trip. For all the amazing experiences that I got to have, for this beautiful house we got to live in for 7 nights, for all the family that was able to make the trip to join us, for the view, the weather, the sunsets, the fine food and wine...

Shooting For: In my 40s, I am going to start taking better care of my face! While I feel like I'm aging pretty well in general, my face is telling a different story. I took it for granted in my 30s. Hopefully, it's not too late to reverse some of the damage, or at least slow down the creation of more damage.

thanks for reading.
goodnight. ~k

DAY 4+

Courage is a muscle that can only be strengthened by doing something that is scary. 

That was my mantra today as I woke up knowing I was going to be hurling my body through the sky strapped to a glorified kite. I had a feeling that I would love soaring like an eagle, but the thought of leaping off a cliff 1300 feet in the air was pretty scary. The entire morning, I had anxious butterflies as I tried to get a few important things done before my 11am reservation to fly.

When I showed up, there was one other woman who was also hang gliding for the first time. She was accompanied by a woman who was a 20+ year veteran of hang gliding. In fact, she had moved to this area 20 years ago specifically because the hang gliding was so great here. She gave me a ride to the take-off and landing area, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Today was a perfect day to fly. The sun was out, no rain, a few scattered clouds and low wind. It was a little colder than it's been all week, but I dressed warmly enough. After I checked in, I found out that they don't usually launch a tandem hang glider from the ramp on top of the mountain, due to the varying wind direction. Instead, I would travel to the landing strip at the bottom of the mountain, where we would be towed by a small plane up to 2000 ft. Once high enough, the plane would disconnect and we'd hang glide back down. That discovery immediately put me at ease. It's far less scary to start on the ground and fly up than it is to take that leap of faith off the mountain. So perhaps today was just a general warm-up for my courage muscle.

By noon local time, I was strapping into my harness and learning my way around the hang-glider. At this stage, all I really needed to know was how to hang on. And even that wasn't so crucial as I was strapped in to both the hang glider itself and the pilot. It felt like most of what he was telling me was just to put me at ease. And before I knew it, we were taking off and heading straight up into the sky. While my body felt warm, my face was feeling the cold sting of the air as we ascended into the great blue. As we circled higher and higher I was feeling pretty at ease with the whole thing - not really worried at all. The moment we disconnected, we hung in the air for a few seconds, enjoying the quiet as the plane sped off ahead, floating on the air. It was peaceful. And then the pilot started diving and looping us around like we were on a paper airplane. The feeling of falling forward - he described it like being on a roller coaster - but it was without tracks, or rails, or an actual roller coaster and we were 2000 feet in the air! That was when I started to feel the rush of adrenaline, the fragility of my life, the fine line between living and dying.

My favorite experience was when we were just floating and gliding and looking down at the mountain, the farms and houses below. I think I even saw the house where we're staying this week. Everything was so beautiful. The woman who had given me a ride down to the landing strip was like a favorite character in a novel. She had the glow of a woman who lived a life of adventure, with wise and kind eyes. She talked about flights she'd taken for over an hour, staying up as long as possible, and finding herself in a town 60 miles away and needing to find a ride back home.

After my flight, I spent a quiet afternoon at the house and welcomed more family in to visit. We had a delicious early dinner at the Canyon Grill and after dinner drinks and chocolate back at the house. It's almost 10:30 and just about everyone is already in bed. After the day I've had, I have no need to go out and drink and shout Happy New Years at people. I've had the most perfect day to end a really fantastic year.

2015 was a year of uncertainty, change, pleasant surprises and making new commitments. I joined a church, traveled a lot and learned even more. I started new projects, read some great books and found more ways to slow down and connect more fully with my kids, my family and friends. As I look ahead to 2016, I know that I've already begun preparing myself in large part due to keeping this blog. And so, I have no list of resolutions beyond the thoughts I've published here over the last 3 and a half weeks. I go to sleep tonight to dream of the new heights that I can reach for now that I've flexed my courage muscle a little bit more today.

Thank you for reading and Happy New Year to you!
goodnight. ~k

DAY 5ish

Ruby Falls, gushing down from a towering height, declaring her presence beyond the dream-like memory I had of her from 36 or 37 years ago. My mother says that our family trip to Chattanooga happened when I was about 3 or 4, (about the age of my youngest now) While I didn't have many memories of that trip, walking through the caves and seeing Ruby Falls are images that were vividly burned in my mind. I remembered the colored lights, the railing surrounding the falls. The room around it seemed bigger then, but the waterfall itself, I remember being more like a trickle. I'm guessing it was a summer trip. But there was something about it that spoke to me, as a young girl. Spoke to a timeless observer in me that I wasn't even aware of yet.

This is why, today, carrying my 3 year old daughter into that place was something of a sacred act. I tolerated her incessant requests to be held largely because I was feeling a special connection to her and my little girl self at the same time. And in spite of my aching arms, I loved having her in my arms and watching her see this place for the first time. There was a moment or two when she smoothed the hair away from my face the way I do for her.

Throughout the tour, which was mostly an annoying wait in an elaborate line to keep people engaged or distracted enough to not realize they are actually waiting in line, I couldn't shake my eagerness to see it again. My mother-in-law had seen it once before as well, more than 55 years ago, when she was a young girl. My husband and father-in-law had never been. Looking at this picture now, I am so grateful for today's experience.

Ruby Falls was a force to be reckoned with today, in the middle of a warm and wet winter here. Her crashing locks filled the room with sound and mist and her presence unapologetically claimed the spotlight. And all of her strength and beauty dissolved into a small pool no deeper than the average height of a woman.

What if we women were to realize that we all have a hidden waterfall of power and strength and beauty within us? What if we could connect with that and share it with our daughters and our mothers?

Ruby Falls was named for a woman. Women Rock. ;-)

goodnight. ~k

DAY 6... or so

What a difference a day can make, when the sun shines away the puddles after living in a rain cloud. Had a semi-lazy morning, where work got done at a leisurely pace before heading out to explore a little of Chattanooga's finest... that I know of... so far.

We drove down the mountain looking at blue skies streaked with wispy white. Had a great lunch at Terminal BrewHouse where I discovered "West by God" which is the answer to anytime you've had trouble deciding between ordering the salad or the burger and fries. This puts the burger and fries on top of your salad, skips the bun, which you wanna do anyway, and can only be eaten with knife and fork. The beers were reported to be great, but I did not try one.

We followed that with a stop in The Hot Chocolatier (which should appear on Google Maps before I have to zoom all the way in to the last level. Naughty Google, editing my map finds by who pays most to be seen. I have no real knowledge that this is or isn't happening by the way. Just a thought I had and wondered about.) I treated the kids to a dessert, me to a chai latte, and all of us to various little chocolate treats to take home for later. I loved everything about this not-so-little shop of culinary love. Tremendous variety to be produced by a single location. Artisan quality, Artistry in every detail and just the right touch of Back Kitchen Voyeurism (BKV). I bought 4 truffles.

Tonight we tried the Tom Selleck of course. I have forgotten the full description, but it was chocolate with vanilla and whiskey, in honor of the simultaneous whiskey run that was happening next door. While I don't usually choose milk chocolate, this mostly milk, smooth and creamy truffle delivered expertly mingled accent flavors of whiskey and vanilla... and I think just a hint of leather, all topped with a dark chocolate zigzag interpretation of a mustache and yeah, dead ringer for a "Tom Selleck Kiss." (Hershey's or French, you decide) Can you tell I like this place?

Second thing absolutely worth mentioning, aside from the fact that everything we tried was top notch, is the milk chocolate blueberries. Again, I never pick milk, my older child picked these and I do love blueberry, but these were knock-it-out-of-the-park, never-had-anything-quite-like-it ever chocolate fantasy balls. I won't even attempt to describe them because I need to... well, I think it's possible that when a food is just too intensely pleasurable, it becomes impossible to evaluate anything tangible about the experience because all senses are in hyperdrive, all pleasure centers have been tripped. Milk.Chocolate.Blueberries. If you like blueberries, get them.

I'm spending a lot of time talking about chocolate and lunch outing because the biggest things that happened for me today came in visions during my very powerful meditation tonight. I saw a vision of myself doing a project in the future and it was one of those things that, when it happens, you look at your past, weaving and meandering through your youth, and realize that it all suddenly adds up to something unique that you alone can best create. It was a big vision. And one that needs further gestation before a public announcement would be appropriate.

Tonight I am very inspired to start becoming more focused on giving. Finding new and better and more fun ways to give. And what if the ways in which we give, over a lifetime, are the only real things in life? What if each of us began to see our own life as a gift to the world? Not that we might be worshipped; but so that we can be of service.

goodnight. ~k

DAY "7"

Here's my picture worth a thousand words of our view from the deck. I snapped this shot early this morning before the rain started up again. Much of the day, we couldn't see more than 10 feet away being inside the clouds. The rain was soft and peaceful, though.

I did a visualization meditation first thing this morning before I got out of bed, which is nice when I can't sleep but still feel too tired to get up. Then I got to spend a couple of hours working on year-end book-keeping, which is NOT EVER fun, but way better to do it in a beautiful place while on vacation than to do it at home in our office. And there's my Gratitude for the day: The miracle of modern tech that allows us to do so many kinds of work effectively from anywhere. I've gotten to travel a lot this year, and being able to keep up with a few of my jobs while on the road has been key.

Letting Go: I booked my reservation to do a tandem hang glide for this Thursday at 11am. As much as I've been wanting this, the second it became real, I got a little nervous. And then I hear from a friend tonight that someone he knew said that hang gliding was scarier than skydiving, having done both. And, with a bit of ill-advised research, I learn that statistically, sky-diving is actually safer than hang gliding. Go figure! But, to me, if I can let go of that fear-mind-chatter, I see more beauty and grace and joy in watching someone hang glide than I do watching a skydive. I saw a huge hawk circling this morning and felt what must have inspired the first hang gliders. The hawk was so beautiful, peaceful and graceful, gliding through the air like an ice skater on the ice. This week, beauty will have to trump logic, adventure will usurp caution and I will soar like a hawk from this mountain top.

Shooting for: In my 40s, I will take a hot air balloon ride. Another beautiful, sky-based activity I've always wanted to do. Surely, at some point in the next 10 years, I can find a way to make that happen. Not sure why these things are coming up for me now, but they all make me smile.

***very much looking forward to my restful night's sleep in this deliciously cozy bed***

goodnight. ~k

DAY "8"

Well, I didn't take any pictures today, but I took in a ton of natural beauty. Sorry, you'll just have to take my word for it. And I don't think I'll even have a thousand of them to describe it. We woke before the sun came up, because that's when the kids started chirping. And we enjoyed a lazy morning of Mary Poppins and Legos and dolls and cereal and yogurt. Then, we drove to Signal Mountain, about 45 min NW, for brunch with my step sister and her family. We got to hike for about an hour through the woods - my phone said it was 80 degrees - by a gorgeously full, rushing river at times and through thick, sticky mud at others. We left the younger child with grandparents and took the almost 7 year old, who did amazingly well for a first serious trek (about 75 min and 5 miles, up and down and through thick brush at times) That counted as my workout for the day and I got to catch up with my step sister along the way, which was super.

We also discovered an amazing restaurant for dinner that was just down the road from our house. It was such a treat to go out and have amazing food and the kids were remarkably well-behaved, all things considered. There were two bummers today: one was feeling queazy every time I was in the car because I was probably riding in a car for close to 2 hours all together today. Those mountain switchbacks often get to me unless I'm the one driving. The other was finding out that my brother's back pain flaring up recently means that we won't get to see him and his family on this trip. I really hope he recovers soon.

Today, I did an okay job of letting go of the sugar again. Not perfect, but significantly better. Just a few bites of chocolate over the course of the day. Otherwise, I made tea or had an apple to divert my cravings.

My meditation today was a guided meditation that focuses on abundance and on inviting more abundance into your life. This was the second time I tried this, and I found that I zoned out (or fell asleep) right around the same place. I've been struggling with visioning more abundance for myself because I feel so incredibly, abundantly blessed already. While the abundance hasn't come to me in the ways that I had hoped or thought it would, it has come to me all the same. And so, all I can think of is gratitude for what I already have: an great home in a nice neighborhood with a good school and kind neighbors. A caring and supportive husband and two healthy kids. We all have our needs met and hoping for more seems excessive. The only way I can try to envision more for myself is in imagining being able to give more to others and to have a greater impact in the world.

I've known that I want to help people since I was very little. At first I wanted to be a nurse. Then I was advised against it... by a real nurse. I've since learned that are so many ways to help people - through story telling or through healing or through listening. A couple of weeks ago, I hear Elizabeth Gilbert say in an interview that people don't want to be helped. That I should focus instead on doing what makes me happy. On creating what makes me happy. Well, helping people makes me happy. Does that make me annoying, or a person to be tolerated? Does that mean that I'm out of touch with what really makes me happy? I don't know. But I do know that when I was sick recently, I allowed others to help me. I needed it. And I accepted the help gladly. And those that helped me were able to feel good about helping. Historically, I'm not someone who asks for help very easily. But in recent years I've learned that accepting help, and making room to receive help from others, benefits both me and the person giving. That lots of people enjoy giving. And the only time that giving seems out of place is when there is no one willing to receive. In that way, to receive graciously becomes the gift. And, as I've become better at receiving help, I've also become better at knowing when and how to give it.

thank you for reading.
goodnight. ~k

DAY 9? Yeah, I'm calling it Nine.

We made it to our final destination for the week - Rising Fawn, GA on Lookout Mountain, just over the Tennessee line from Chattanooga. The house I reserved is beautiful, classy, and well appointed. The week ahead includes time with family and hopefully a little sight seeing in Chattanooga with the kids. And the really big thing that I've been wanting to do since planning this trip is Hang Gliding! Our house is minutes down the street from Hang Glide Park. The only hang-up, pun intended, is that flooding in the area is causing issues in the landing zone, so I'm not sure how many available flying days there will be this week while we're here. So, I'm putting this out there now - I really, really, REALLY want to do this on this trip. Please, dear Gods of Dare Devilry - - let me get a chance to fly this week and experience a life-long dream!

Meditation was extremely difficult tonight. I felt kind of bloated after dinner and being physically uncomfortable is actually a very big distraction. Surprise, surprise. I'm also pretty wiped out from the day. I managed to get in a quick workout at the hotel before we left this morning, which was so nice. First one in a week; it felt good to get back on track. Then we had just under 5 hours on the road, much of it in pounding rain, which was a little tense. After getting settled in, figuring out dinner and getting the kids to bed, I'm feeling about ready to collapse.

Letting Go: I am ready to let go of all these holiday sweets I've been enjoying. They just make me feel so crummy after I eat them. Time to get back to reality. I was feeling so much better when I was sugar-free!

Gratitude: I am so thankful that this house turned out to be every bit as wonderful as it seemed in the pictures... even more so. I've rented private homes for at least a dozen trips over the years, and while I think I'm pretty good at picking them, you just never really know what you're going to find until you get there. This is definitely one of my favorites ever. I'll post a picture of our view tomorrow. Hoping to catch either the sunrise or the sunset from our long deck along the peak of Lookout Mountain.

Shooting For: As I watch the hang-gliding videos, I see myself getting really into the hang gliding culture, maybe getting training to be a pilot. But I really can't commit to anything until I try it first. So, for now, I am shooting to try one new thing every year in my 40s. Maybe I already tend to do this, but I love the idea of making it a point to find at least one new unique experience like hang gliding, or surfing (which actually scares me more than hang gliding!) that I can try every year.

goodnight. ~k

DAY 10

Celebrate every milestone, is what I say. Well, I'm saying it now at least. Just 10 days left until my 40th birthday. And it's Christmas Day. My sweet friend who had that Dec 17th due date is still waiting, I believe. My mom can feel her pain. Or could, about 40 years ago.

We woke up to the giddy giggles of two kids excited to open presents. Even when I'm completely exhausted, that sound is even better than a great cup of coffee. My older one, who is about to be 7, has been doubting the whole Santa thing, but not completely sure either way. My husband and I have never pushed too hard on the belief for our kids, but we want them to enjoy it as long as it suits them. So, my response is always, Some people believe in Santa and some don't . I've never seen him, so I don't really know. What do you think? And even as my older one says that Santa's not real, I can hear the hesitation to fully commit to that. It's cute. Maybe there's a fear that the disbelief might equal fewer presents somehow. So, we set up the test: One freshly baked cookie and the milk. Older child quizzed me to make sure that no thieves or bad guys could break in and pretend to be Santa. All doors and windows locked? check. Only way in is through the chimney? check. No real person can fit through the chimney, which is why Santa uses magic? check.

So, this morning upon waking, the milk and cookie test was almost more pressing than the presents. Santa ate the cookie, leaving a few large crumbs behind on the plate and drank about half of the milk. He even wrote a little thank you note in cursive (which Mom and Dad never write in!) at the bottom of the note that we left which read: "Santa only!" - meaning that only Santa could eat the cookie. My older child was convinced, even a little relieved I think, to see that Santa had, in fact, come to our house and left our deserving children with a couple of special presents this year. I don't even remember when I stopped believing in Santa. I don't really remember believing in him. I had 2 older brothers who I'm pretty sure spoiled it for me early on. But, I don't feel like I missed out on anything and I don't think I felt like I did then. Christmas was still a ton of fun, even on the lean years. Because, getting a toy or two was enough when you got to spend all day in your jammies with the whole family and nobody had to go to work or school or be stressed out trying to get somewhere. Surely that's a really big part of the Christmas Magic.

Which is why I started to question my sanity just a little bit as we attempted to pack up and leave for a week long trip today. In some ways, it was a good scheme. Let the kids open all their gifts early and then husband and I pack and load the car while they play with all their new toys. Only, for me, leaving town tends to be a bit stressful, because I always feel like I'm forgetting something and we tend to bring so much stuff when we're driving because we can. Add to that, the occasional eruptions of sibling rivalry and I was having a hard time focusing on all the things I needed to do (water the plants, feed the fish and the cat, etc.) We got on the road about 12:45, only 45 min after our plan, and found the interstate gloriously deserted. We were out of Chicago in 15 minutes - unheard of any other day of the year. And a trip that usually takes us 7 hours, took about 5 and a half. A couple of hours of pack-it-up stress dissolved with road trip bliss. Today I got a glimpse of what life might be like without traffic. Or what it might be like after a zombie apocalypse without any zombies around. It was nice.

We made it to our hotel and pulled together a modest dinner out of the 4 bags + 1 cooler of food I packed (one more reason why it's so hard for me to pack for a trip, but so worth it when I can avoid the fast food trap) The kids were happily exhausted from an exciting day, and we've still got our whole trip ahead of us.

Gratitude: Today, I'm grateful for the gorgeous sunset I saw as we were driving south, the smooth ride down the highway, for my family staying safe amid the El Nino tornado season, for our chance to reconnect with them this week and for this moment right now, to savor today's journey.

With just... wait a minute. I just realized something hilarious. I started this blog on December 5th at Day 30, but since December has 31 days in it (of course!), I've been ahead by a day this whole time! If I wasn't the only one awake in a quiet hotel room, I would be laughing out loud right now. I'm actually really good at math, but it's the simple equations that trip me up. Good grief! Well, this is interesting. Rather than recount my days, or have two DAY 10s, I'm going to leave that last day as a BONUS day. And I'm sure that something extraordinary will happen on that day. No pressure, January 4th, but you gotta top all 30 days that precede you in some remarkable way. At least you've got 10 days to prepare. hmm. The idea of a bonus day is growing on me. I'll have to dream on that a bit.

goodnight. ~k

DAY 11

It's late on Christmas Eve. While I often have things left to get done at the last minute for Christmas, this year the combined efforts of preparing for the big day and getting the family out of town on the same day are a bit overwhelming. I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me, which often just feels more like denial than any kind of self control.

Somedays, like today, it's really hard to stick with my commitment of meditating and writing. I would much rather be in bed right now, resting up for an even bigger day tomorrow, but here I am writing away. As such, this will be a bare bones post.

I donated 6 bags of miscellaneous clothes (my own and the kids) plus some housewares. I filled these bags weeks ago and have had them in my garage and then in my car for the last 2 weeks. Finally, dropped them off and am looking forward to getting back on my decluttering project in January. I got the car washed for the trip, did some last minute shopping, and tons of wrapping. We delivered some gifts to friends and neighbors and then had a special dinner at home, just us and the kids. It was nice. It's been so busy lately, I haven't been cooking as much as I usually do, and I've really been missing homemade food. It was nice to make the time for that tonight. We watched a silly Christmas movie with the kids, talked about Santa, put out the Cookie and Milk (It was decided that Santa only needed one cookie, so that everyone else could have two) and then read Twas the Night Before Christmas to the kids before tucking them in. I've also been trying to pack suitcases amid all this today. I'm already looking forward to the idea of NOT traveling next Christmas!

Gratitude: I have really awesome neighbors. I never really appreciated the neighbor thing before. It's not like anyone picks a house to live in based on the neighbors, so it always just seems to be luck. But how lucky is it that I have awesome neighbors on both sides, and two doors down on both sides. That's four sets of neighbors, who are kind and watch out for my kids, who say hello on the sidewalk and send holiday greetings. They've taken care of our kids when we needed to leave town last minute, shoveled our snow - too many times to count, mowed our lawn - most of the time, let us know when the cat has gotten out, checked in when my husband is out of town, taken care of our cat and/or our fish, helped us fix broken lights or clogged up gutters... I could keep going, but, damn, I just feel so blessed to have these neighbors. If we ever decided to sell our house, I'd put "Great Neighbors" in the description.

That's all I got for tonight. Merry Christmas Eve!
goodnight. ~k

p.s. It's a full moon on Christmas this year. Another rare and special moon event this year, and since I started my gong. i love the moon.

DAY 12

Oh, irony. So, back in Day 23 or so, I announced that I was going to finally let go of my health coaching practice in order to make room for my writing and activism interests. The reality was that I hadn't had a coaching client in at least a year and I had stopped marketing my business well before that. So, me saying that I was officially letting it go was really me just owning up to what my actions have been saying for quite some time. Imagine my surprise when, four days later, I receive an email from a former client with a referral introduction. And this client was among my most successful at reaching her health goals, and she was referring someone who has wanted to connect with me for about a year. Faced with this, it wasn't so much that I didn't know how to say No, as that I couldn't think of why I should say No.

So, here I am, a retired health coach of 11 days with a brand new coaching client! Life is pretty funny, isn't it? What exactly did I want to let go of? The struggle to find new clients? The awkwardness of promoting myself or selling my services? The coaching part, I've always really loved. I had considered becoming a coach for another company, but I didn't think I'd enjoy having to follow someone else's rules after I've developed my own style of coaching.

I was recently invited to participate in a project that was exploring, among other things, the difference between an entrepreneur and a freelancer. This really struck a chord with me. When reading interviews with people on their perceptions of these two titles, I started to think about which I could more identify with. It wasn't really something I had thought about before. If being an entrepreneur is about building something, a product or service or company, that may take on a life of it's own, and possibly build a team of players, whether employees or other contractors, then a freelancer is more like an artisan or expert for hire. If an entrepreneur is building a monument or a skyscraper, then a freelancer is putting up tents as she travels from place to place. And when I consider the two identities, there is no hesitation in my heart when I choose freelancer over entrepreneur. Everytime.

In some of my coach training over the years, I had come to believe that I needed to be more like an entrepreneur in order to be a successful coach; and as much as I got it intellectually, I just never felt it. And the more I began to work as a writer, the freer I felt. When I did this project, I figured that a big reason I was drawn to writing over coaching, was because I was more of a freelancer than an entrepreneur. But, as I took on a new coaching client today, I still felt free. In fact, I felt more confident today as a coach than I have in a long time.  Maybe being a freelance whatever I am means that I can write, coach, advocate or create in any way that suits the task at hand. Even as I write that sentence and imagine it as reality, it seems almost too dreamy. The other half of my brain jumps in and says, Yes, but how do you market that? What do you even call that? You can't put that on a business card. Or even a website. It sounds more like an SNL sketch of the next WooWoo Guru! Yes, I hear that voice, too.

And so I sit here, in my lovely land of in-betweens and opposites, wishing and washing, flipping and flopping, and trying to ride them as if they were all parts of the same horse. Perhaps it all is just one horse. And one very wild ride.

Letting Go: this one seems pretty natural tonight... I am reminding myself to let go of the need to know. I love to plan, and I'll keep dreaming and making plans forever. But even as I shoot for the starts, I want to remember to let go of the outcomes and enjoy the ride.

Gratitude: I am grateful for laughter! I hear my husband goofing off with the kids right now and I am so filled up by the sound of their giggles and laughter. I'm thankful that I have so many friends that can make me laugh, for all the great writers and performers that share their gifts of humor with the world. It truly is the best medicine!

Shooting for: ... I'll come back to this one another day :-)

Thinking of: the song, "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine.

goodnight. ~k

DAY 13

It should be noted that 99% of the time, when I finally sit down to write these posts, I have no idea what I'm going to be writing about. Hopefully, that, in some way, excuses anything I may write that could be offensive or just dumb. I try not to make this just a recounting of my daily events, but something at least a little deeper. But, sometimes, the depth just isn't there.

This might be similar to how I've come to view my meditation practice. Back when I really struggled to make meditation a consistent habit, I was always focusing on how bad I was at it. If the whole point is to let the thoughts pass by your consciousness like clouds and not get pulled into them, or even get attached to them, then I was failing at meditating most of the time I was sitting there.

Then, somewhere along the way, I got the idea that it didn't really matter. Of course, that's what I'm shooting for, but getting frustrated at failing was even worse than failing itself. I realized that if I wanted a regular meditation practice, I had to become OK with the idea that I didn't need to be good at it. Or even mediocre at it. I could be horrible at it, as long as I committed to sitting there everyday for a set period of time.

While I have, over the years, had some glorious sessions where I was able to completely disconnect from thought and have incredible spiritual experiences, most of my meditations involve me spinning in my own silly thought patterns for about 18 and a half minutes, before I reach some level of peacefulness and calm for about a minute and a half, and then I'm done. That was how it went tonight. I haven't figured out the formula yet; like if there's some kind of day that I can have that will lead me to a better practice, or a time of day, though it might be morning if I could get myself out of bed before the kids wake up. But, it really seems, at this point, to be kind of random to me.

This also reminds me of something I read about what it takes to be a great artist. The frustration in the beginning is knowing what great art is and not being able to produce it. The mastery comes from allowing yourself to make bad art consistently and for long enough that you eventually get good at it. Whether or not any artist ever reaches the height of their vision may be one of the great mysteries. My guess is that, if we're lucky, the vision continues to grow with the talent, always staying just one or two steps out of reach. Because how boring would life be if we had nothing to work towards?

Having come through this stomach virus thing with the whole family, I was able to venture out a bit (after 2 back-to-back morning movies with the kids) and get a bit of last minute shopping done and pictures of the kids with Santa. It felt a bit like chipping a tiny piece of ice off of an iceberg, but I'll take it. It was nice to have a fun day with the kids and enjoy their anticipation of Christmas.

Tonight is all about what I'm shooting for: I like revisiting that bit on creativity. It was by Ira Glass and I watched the video of it in my writing class last fall.  In that spirit, I want to recommit to my writing goals. But this time, I'm shooting to just keep writing. Everyday. Every week. That's the only way I can even approach mastery. And mastery is what I'm shooting for. Maybe not in my 40s or even my 50s or 60s, but in my lifetime. I'm willing to be a bad writer until I get there.

Thanks to anyone who's willing to keep reading until then!

goodnight. ~k

DAY 14

It turns out that what my little one had on Saturday was a 24-hour stomach bug that went around the daycare classroom, and hit several of the kids over the weekend. And, lucky me, once dear one was feeling better, it hit me last night. I was hesitant to believe that I had gotten a bug, because yesterday, I had eaten a lot of foods that I don't eat anymore, like wheat, dairy and lots of sugar. While my tolerance has improved for gluten and dairy slightly, I certainly know that I can't handle large amounts of the stuff in one day. And I had topped it all with a glass of red wine. So, as I was getting sick in the night, I was kicking myself for eating so much crap. I was happy to be getting it out of my body, in a way.

But usually, when I get something like this, I'm able to bounce back fairly quickly. Not so today. I was unable to keep anything down, including water, for most of the day. I felt so lucky that my husband didn't have to go to work and was able to take care of everything with the kids while I stayed in bed until almost 2. I couldn't believe how wiped out I felt. When I heard about so many kids getting the same thing, I was pretty sure that's what I had also.

I was finally getting back on my feet, able to walk around and tried a few bites of soup and an apple, when my older child started complaining of not feeling well and having no appetite. By 7, I'm getting a replay of what I went through on Saturday with my younger one. And husband started feeling woozy around the same time.

My body still feels weak. I had so many things I had planned to do today that didn't happen.  I cannot imagine how I'll be ready to leave town with the family for a week in just 4 days. But really, I don't even have the energy to worry about any of that. I'm just hoping we can all make it through tonight.

So tonight, because it's all I got, I'll just focus on my Gratitude. I am so incredibly thankful that I was able to really rest today and recover. I grateful that my husband was able to take care of everything else while I did. And I'm grateful that I felt well enough to take care of my older child as soon as that became necessary tonight. I'm grateful that we're not suffering from anything worse in our family right now. Stomach bugs suck, for sure, but I'm so grateful that our family is mostly healthy from day-to-day. I am especially thankful for our bodies' ability to heal themselves so miraculously.

And, I'm out. Goodnight. ~k

DAY 15

HALF WAY! So what am I really learning here? That's it's crazy busy and difficult to get much done during the holidays? Already knew that. That the weeks leading up to my birthday feel like a bum's rush from about December 15th until the morning of my day? Somehow I manage to block it every year, but I already knew this, too.

The energy around the holidays often makes me glaze over or go a little cuckoo, like the toddler that's been overstimulated from staying too long at a loud party. And it's like that for 2 or 3 weeks until I wake up on my birthday. And I know I'm not the only one. And then I feel bad for those in my life who feel guilty for forgetting my birthday because it's really not their fault my birthday falls during the hazy days. Actually, I wonder what my first child's experience will continue to be having a birthday on Jan 2nd. In some ways, it seems slightly better to be closer on the heels of the party season, so you can still catch the tail wind of the celebratory spirit. By the fifth, everyone is pretty well tapped out.

Of course, I say all this with a wink and a smile because, as I've mentioned, I have some pretty awesome friends and family who do manage to rally and help me celebrate when I put out the call. And this year will be no exception. I have some fantastic events and gatherings planned over the next month. A week in Lookout Mountain/ Chattanooga where I'll get to see all of my immediate family and in-laws and also go hang-gliding for the first time! A girls weekend in Estes Park, CO!  A week in Mexico with husband and six friends! There have been many times when I just feel like I'm being too indulgent and making too big of a deal about my birthday. But using my 40th as an excuse to spend more time with these awesome people, go to these beautiful places, and experience some pretty big dreams... I guess I really don't have a problem with that.

Letting Go: In my 40s, I will let go of chocolate.                          
I'm just kidding. Not. Ever. Letting Go of Chocolate. Unless I'm dropping it into a recipe or a cup of coffee. I will never, ever, newver, nerver give up Chocolate. No way. No how. Sorry. No can do. I have taken "breaks" from Chocolate, but to imagine a world without chocolate is... like what so many people in this world live every day.
I heard a really inspiring couple this weekend talking about how they fill bags with snacks and juice boxes and socks, and keep them in the car to hand out to the homeless anytime they encounter someone asking for money. What if I kept a box of chocolates to give to the homeless. Is that weird or would it be awesome? I always think about giving the poor and homeless truly healthy and nourishing food, but what if I thought of giving foods that are among the most pleasurable to eat? Decadent. Like steak. Or lobster. Or creme brulee. Or... Chocolate.
So.  I'm not going to "let go" of chocolate, as in give it up and never eat it again. But maybe I'll start "letting go" of some of my chocolate stash and sharing it with those who just might be experiencing it for the first time.

Gratitude: Tonight I am grateful for Bill Murray and his Christmas special on Netflix. What a big heap of Christmas lovin' that was. I wasn't exactly sure what I was watching for the first 10 minutes. I hadn't read any of the hype surrounding this and was watching with no expectations other than what I might imagine a Bill Murray Christmas Special would be. But whatever I might have imagined, this was not it. It was so much better than anything I could have imagined. I thank the Gods that I got to see that show tonight.

Shooting For: There was a lot of singing in the Bill Murray Christmas show, and not all of it was stellar, but every note that was sung was filled with heart. It made me want to be less shy in sharing my own voice. I love to sing, but I am not, and never have been, a strong singer. Watching this tonight made me think, Anybody should be allowed to sing if they want to... Just as long as they're already famous. So, once I'm famous, sometime in my 40s, I'm gonna sing something in public. Until then, I may sing in front of a few more friends than I did in my 30s.

goodnight. ~k

DAY 16

Today took everything I had. It started off well enough, when the morning came way too soon but I managed to get to my 8am yoga class. For the first time in several weeks, my back did not feel like an 80 year-old's and my body felt so free being able to move where and how I wanted it to. It was so lovely. I have a theory on what has helped this shift for me, but I'm still testing it for now.

After yoga, I was able to reconnect with a great friend from college that I hadn't seen in at least 10 years. It was lovely to catch up while supporting her charity to provide warm socks to Chicago's homeless and those without heat in their homes. I got home just in time to host a playdate with my kids plus one. They played well together, we did a little lunch and tried to ease into a late nap time just after our guests left. Unfortunately, around 3:30, my 3yo woke up sick and I spent the remaining 4 hours doing lots of laundry, bathing and running back and forth to the bathroom. Poor thing. Of course, it's moments like this when I know my kids will need me for a long time, in times like this.

Letting Go: Today, I had to let go of everything when my child got sick, as a parent does. I let go of everything other than my child, whom I sat with and held in my lap, as a parent does. I don't feel the need to let go of anything else tonight, other than my tendency to stay up too late.

Gratitude: Today I am grateful for yoga classes that make me feel more vibrant, that connect me to my strength, flexibility and stillness, and remind me that I can experience these things not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, too. And these served me well when I needed to be strong, flexible and still with my child.

Shooting For: In my 40s, I want to learn to thrive on less sleep. There's got to be a way to do it in a healthy way. Not major sleep deprivation, but if I could feel great on 6.5 hours of sleep, that would be awesome. Aren't there some kinds of monks that do this? I can't remember. Because I'm operating on about 7 hours of sleep and I'm a little embarrassed to admit that it doesn't feel like enough. But today was kinda tough.

Goodnight. ~k

DAY 17

Today feels like a classic. So many things that might be cliche, those touchstone moments of parenthood and holidays meshing together, that might make some want to run and hide while others see it as the stuff of life. Kids having holiday parties and shows at school. Me, helping out at the school and addressing and mailing my Christmas cards. My husband and son going to see the opening night of Star Wars while I stay home with daughter and have 'girls' movie night with homemade popcorn. (I will also be seeing Star Wars soon, but I wasn't into the opening night hubbub) Finding a light, soft & fluffy snowfall outside just after dark. Squeaking in a soothing meditation and a cup of hot tea after the kids are in bed. Somehow, I am utterly exhausted.

Letting Go: I am refocusing and cycling back to my DAY 30 letting go, which is an ongoing process of letting go of clutter. I want to bring it back into focus for this weekend, specifically, to finish going through my clothes. The lightness of reducing excess really does feel good enough to want to keep going, but I've got to identify the time for it.

Gratitude: I have gotten to travel a lot in my lifetime and, in particular, this year. Not all extravagant trips, some just long weekends to drive home and see family. And I've still got more on the horizon. Traveling is among my favorite things in life, and I've really been milking this whole turning 40 thing, just about all year, in order to justify more whimsical trips. I highly recommend it. But I am exceedingly grateful that I've had the means and the freedom and the amazing helpers for the kids, to make these trips possible.

Shooting For: I've got this little short video that I want to produce... it's in the baby stages; concept drafted and about to bloom into collaboration. It's something I'm shooting for in the first few months of being 40. It will be funny. It will be cutting in it's truth. And, I hope, it will have an impact.

It feels like my need for sleep is battling a lot these days with my desire to soak up every second of every day. My days feel full to bursting. My nights feel thick but quick.
(and that might explain why I come up with phrases like that)

goodnight. ~k

DAY 18

I remember learning early on from my Mom that my due date was actually December 17th, which means that I was born just shy of 3 weeks late. Today, some say that, back then, they weren't as accurate at determining due dates, and ultrasounds were only performed when there was a problem or concern, so it's likely that my assigned due date was off. But even with a margin of error, it is clear that I was definitely on the longer side of a typical gestation, and to prove it, I outweighed all three of my brothers at birth. 

It was interesting growing up with this knowledge about myself. Knowing that I might have had a different birth month AND year. That I could have been a Sagittarius instead of a Capricorn. And knowing that I was so late, that loved ones, like my grandmother, that had traveled to visit in anticipation for my arrival, had to give up and return home before I decided to show my face. Back in the days when moms weren't so pressured and fear-mongered into interventions and C-sections, I was allowed to choose my own birth day, and December 17th wasn't it. I've often wondered what I was waiting for. Or if it was just way to cozy in there to come out in the dead of winter.

I also grew up with this thing about being late. I was usually late. For just about everything. And I could always say, "Well, I was born late. What do you expect?" I've worked hard to be a bit more reliable and develop discipline around being punctual for the important things, but without a bit of effort, it's all too easy for me to fall back into my late pattern. As I've worked with this tendency in myself, I've sometimes wondered if it's a clue to my unique spiritual preset or if it came from growing up knowing that I was "born late." My spiritual preset being that I love to linger in the present moment and I'm very slow to take action. I imagine my unborn self debating on whether or not I was ready to be born on a daily basis, and then deciding that I wasn't ready to decide and that I need to sleep on it. On and on, for 18 days. Or, if I always knew that I was going to be ready to emerge on January 5th and I was snickering at all the fools outside who thought they could guess my next move.

As I write this, I have one friend who is pregnant with a girl whose due date is today. (the day is not quite over!) And I have another couple of friends who are adopting a girl whose first due date was January 5th, and it was corrected to January 15th. I'm sending lots of love and patient breaths to the moms and dads. I promise, no matter what day she chooses, she'll be worth the wait!

Letting Go: I became a mom in my 30s and I was told that I seemed to take my role as a mom very seriously; that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a perfect mom. I really don't think I'm alone in this. I see a culture that is still stuck on the Super Mom mentality and it's very hard for an individual mom to break free of it. I felt it tonight, perhaps more clearly than I ever have before, some ways that I cater to my children more than necessary. In fact, I had the thought that, not just am I wearing myself out, but I'm teaching my children to remain dependent upon me rather than to become more and more independent. I see this as a sliding scale, where I do manage to encourage independence in some areas, but others, for some reason, I've been trying to retain control. Tonight, I realized that it's time for me to let go of a little bit more of my "supermomitis" and start allowing myself to be a good ole, "good enough mom." And I know that my kids are ready for this growth as well. (At least they better be!) This is exciting to think about, in terms of regaining some of my own energy, but scary as I realize that they are needing me less and less each day. 

Gratitude: Today I am grateful that independent bookstores were NOT wiped out by Amazon after all. I did some Christmas shopping in one of my favorite indy bookstores (that also carries a few copies of my children's book :) and it always feels so nice and cozy being in there.  I never felt that way in a big box bookstore. It was so soothing to quietly browse for unique gifts and funny titles. And it was good for me to do this, because I really don't visit bookstores as much as I'd like to.

Shooting For: While I do read some content on my e-reader devices and I love the convenience of it when I'm traveling, I find that I'm much more likely to finish a book if I have it in physical form. In my 40s and going forward, I want to make sure that I buy or check-out at least one good [real] book a month and finish it. I have a habit of starting books and not finishing them because I get distracted by another book and forget to go back. And if I start visiting my favorite bookshops every month, I think I'll have a hard time NOT following through on this one.

I'm pretty wiped out from a sleepless night and a long, long day. 

Goodnight. ~k 

DAY 19

Today was another one of those days that did not exactly go according to plan and it demanded a bit of patience and flexibility of me.  As I went from point A to point B through my day, there were steps along the way, where breakdowns happened and I had to deal with it before anything else could happen. No side-stepping or ignoring was possible.  Like I'm looking for solid rocks to step on to avoid falling into the hot lava that surrounds them.  It was one of those days when the kids seem to tag-team with dramatic meltdowns that keep my husband and I in the mode of constantly putting out fires and talking them down off ledges and even turning on each other in our frustration.

But after all that, I feel like I'm ending the day on a good note, having a chance to reflect on the days events with a good wise friend and having a meditation tonight that was deliciously calm, and spacious and filled with light. It was the kind of meditation that doesn't happen often, but it's always what I'm hoping for. It's interesting that on such a tumultuous day, my thoughts would actually be more willing to fall away and allow me to find such long spells of inner peace. Maybe I earned it somehow today. Or maybe my ego just decided to take pity on me.

Letting Go: I'm really trying to let go of my need to be right. In my head, I keep hearing the quote, "Seek first to understand, rather than to be understood." There are a few areas in my life where I'm very set in the way that I see things. And when I hear an opposing opinion or statement, I am quick to dismiss it. To me, what I believe to be true seems obvious and logical and beyond reproach. But, deep down, I know that truth is more related to beauty. It is fluid and can appear in many different forms. I want to defend my truth with a softness that still allows other perspectives to cast a new color, lightness or shade to it. I want to be so confident in what I believe to be true that I can entertain the opposite perspective and find the common ground that unites them. The Ultimate Truth contains ALL truths. Those things that we perceive as false always have some essence of truth to them for someone. If we seek to understand that truth, we can find common ground and a place to grow within any relationship.

Gratitude: I am grateful for the ability to self-reflect. Whether it's with a therapist, friend, healer or my journal, being able to reflect on my life and what I observe in other lives is what makes me feel most human. It's become a life-line for me. Sometimes I wonder if it is our self-reflection of our daily experiences that communicates back to our spiritual selves what we came to physical form to discover. 

Shooting For: In my 40s, I will travel to some new countries and continents! I love travel. I've been privileged to get to visit Mexico, Jamaica, Canada, England, Scotland, France, the Netherlands, Belgium, Denmark, Germany and the Czech Republic. But since having kids, I haven't crossed the Atlantic and I've never crossed the Pacific ocean. In addition to being such a fun adventure, I feel like my travels have helped me to grow in my perspective in so many wonderful ways. 

It's late. Thanks for reading. Goodnight. ~k