DAY BONUS Day!

This is it... the final countdown. Not only is this my 31st day of blogging, but it's also my 99th day of my 100 Day Gong, meditating everyday for a minimum of 20, and write everyday for at least 20 minutes. I haven't missed a day, except for a rainy day on the trail when I didn't write. I also wasn't sure how long I meditated while on the trail because I had no watch and my phone was off the whole time. It felt like a weekend-long meditation, with lots and lots of walking meditation. Walking on broken paths rather than smooth sidewalks requires more attention to avoid slipping, falling or twisting an ankle, as I and my brother did. That attention to steps and the path, sensing our balance from moment to moment and adjusting, learning to use walking sticks the right way, all created anchors to keep me in the present moment, not reliving the past and not worrying about the future. To me, that is the heart of meditation.

During the first 70 days, I was writing in a journal most days and some days I was writing my novel also, other days instead of. Once I started the blog, though, I stopped with the written personal journal and I've been missing it. I've written in it maybe a handful of times in the last 30 days. I'd really like to write in it tonight.

This was a day when I threw myself into my work, just like I was wanting to and it felt really good. My mindset about stuff and clutter has really shifted since reading that book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I feel much less attachment to things and it's much easier for me to make decisions (and feel confident in them) on whether I choose to keep an item or not. It's so freeing. I did some major clearing out of stuff and organizing, took down the Christmas decorations and had the place cleaned from top to bottom. I had expected this to take at least 2 days, but I'm really glad that I jumped in full force and got it all done today. That is THE BEST gift I could have given myself for tomorrow!

I got some great ideas for how I would like to celebrate tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to my day. I also want to write a bit in my Gong journal, just to mark my 100th day.

can't believe this is goodbye. for now.

I've had many ideas for future blogs and I've really enjoyed sharing this journey with a few of you.

All of a sudden, my planned exit seems so unceremonious. But, it's late and I got nothin'.

Except, perhaps, a big reveal. I haven't wanted to use a current picture of myself or anyone in my life that I may mention in passing on my blog. I wanted to keep it somewhat non-specific, for a variety of reasons. But I don't know if I'd actually stay interested in a blog if I couldn't see what the writer looks like. I don't mind not knowing for a little while, but eventually, I gotta know.

My Big Reveal = a picture I snapped today + with my crappy computer cam + wearing #nomakeup + using #nofilter + a bit of product. (No idea why I'm wearing a serial killer face!) No time to retake. I guess I'll flex that bravery muscle and let everyone see my dark side. Just in case you hadn't already.

goodnight. ~k
**now y'all come back for whatever happens next. it'll be fun.

DAY WON!

I had the crazy idea of following this blog with a new one tracking my first 40 days of my 40s, but as I have a girls weekend coming up with my old roommates from college, I know that most of what I do on those days will not be publishable! Ha, ha. What happens in Colorado STAYS in Colorado - know what I'm sayin'?

Today was a lovely day from a birds eye view. It felt like much of the day my kids were bickering with each other or throwing tantrums of some sort. And the mountain of things I still need to unpack and put away from our trip and the holidays is overwhelming. But, if I step back from those details, I can appreciate getting to go to church with the kids and the fact that all three of us had a great experience being back there today. I can remember the kids giggling while playing in the snow, which we've had so little of this winter.  I can feel good that I worked against that overwhelm and really got a lot done today to get us back into our routine starting tomorrow. And so I can say, that overall, I WON today - because the silver linings are what I'll remember about today.

Always, always, always look for the silver lining. - today's mantra

Tomorrow is my bonus day, but I'm not sure how spectacular it will be. I've just got so much to do before my husband leaves town for work on Tuesday and I leave town on Thursday. Tomorrow, I plan on losing myself in work, but perhaps something unusual and special will come out of that work. It's been known to happen.

Today at church, was the White Stone Service. I had never done this before, but I really love this tradition that many Unity churches follow for the New Year. The link above provides a better explanation than I could. I love the simplicity of it. And I love that it's tangible; that I get to keep a reminder of this year's theme. I received one word loud and clear during the service and then upon further meditation this evening, got another. One for each side. And while the second one feels like unfinished business from 2015, the first one is a brand new frontier for me. I have no idea how this will play out in 2016 but I'm excited to find out along the way.

My 30s are now a dim and dying light hanging on to the last bit of wick in the candle. On Tuesday, I'll light a new candle. My 40s Candle.

Today, I'm grateful for my lovely spiritual community. It was just a few years ago that I put out an intention to find one that suited me, and this one does so quite well.

And now for precious sleep.
goodnight. ~k

DAY, TOO

The Last Picture I took before we drove away... about 8:15am... facing in the direction we were headed.

Barely slept last night but wanted to do something physical before sitting in the car for 9 hours, so I got up and did 3 rounds of the 7 minute workout before we hit the road for home. I'm glad I did it, but I'm exhausted now, at the end of the day.

Watching my oldest this evening when we got home, picking fights and sulking, I remembered that feeling of coming home after a big trip like the one we just had, and knowing that I'd be going back to school in a day or two, and just feeling sad. That sadness became palpable the moment I thought of it today. 

But coming home is different for me now. Even though I'm staring at a seemingly impossible To Do List this week, I'm coming home to a life that I really love. It's a life that I have gotten to build over the years along with everyone who is a part of it. But I haven't always felt this way. 

As much as I want my children to have happy childhoods, I cannot give them happiness all the time. No one can. The best I can do as a parent is to help them learn that they can shape and color their lives in any way they can imagine. To say yes to the things that matter and no thank you to the things that don't. To take on the responsibility and challenge of continuing to tweak the details of their lives until they have a life that they enjoy living. And to understand that everything will change, many times over, from bad to great and back again. And that a beautiful and powerful life isn't one without fear or tragedy or struggle or pain, but one in which you time and again, prove yourself to be greater, stronger and braver than you ever thought you could be.

And today was his birthday. Lucky number seven.

I am filled with gratitude for my first child today. I am letting go of my need to write a longer blog post tonight. I am shooting for sheer perfection this week.  Ha! Just kidding. I'm shooting to get 3 big important things done each of the next 4 days, and anything additional is bonus and therefore cause for celebration. My "Bonus Day" is falling on a Monday. Very interesting.

goodnight. ~k

DAY "FREE"

I woke up this morning and realized that today was our last day of vacation. And it felt... just. right.  I was able to look back on this week and feel like it was time well spent. We soaked up every adventure and every relaxed sigh at the view and every delicious meal and every moment with loved ones. I didn't feel like it flew by or that I missed anything I was hoping to experience. It was a great week.

Later, I wondered if the fact that I've kept up with my meditation had anything to do with that feeling. Often, I have let my meditation practice and my exercise practice lapse when on vacation. And while I backed off a bit on exercise, I haven't missed a day of meditation. I think that practice of slowing down my thoughts on a daily basis, has helped to fill out my experience of the week, so that it neither felt too short or too long, but just right. I'll get into the car for our drive home tomorrow with a satisfied mind and spirit.

Today was the first day of 2016 and it started with lots of bacon. And some eggs. And green tea. And then, we made our traditional black-eyed peas and collard greens, this time with risotto, because that's what I had on hand. It was all delicious. We also celebrated my oldest child's seventh birthday a day early. We were joined by more family and it was all the more merry.

When Monday rolls around, we'll all be hitting the ground hard and fast, with a fully scheduled week ahead. I want to remember to take things one at a time, and allow myself to complete one task before worrying about the next. This will serve me well in the coming months.

Letting Go: As my 30s are dwindling down like a candle that is about to burn out, I find myself less and less attached to my identity as a 30-something. I feel like I am in the process of letting go of my 30s. Certainly, keeping this log and practice of reflecting daily on what it means to be 30-something or 40-something has helped a great deal with this. But, it also feels like a very natural and gradual process.

Gratitude: Today I am so grateful for this trip. For all the amazing experiences that I got to have, for this beautiful house we got to live in for 7 nights, for all the family that was able to make the trip to join us, for the view, the weather, the sunsets, the fine food and wine...

Shooting For: In my 40s, I am going to start taking better care of my face! While I feel like I'm aging pretty well in general, my face is telling a different story. I took it for granted in my 30s. Hopefully, it's not too late to reverse some of the damage, or at least slow down the creation of more damage.

thanks for reading.
goodnight. ~k